We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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