So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
