Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
