Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
