There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
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