just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
