Cold hands, warm shart.
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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