Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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