when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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