just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
