I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
