The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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