yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
