Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
