How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
