took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
