just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
