3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
