I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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