Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
