I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
where does the pee come out of this thing
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
She bit a glass in half.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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