grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
