from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Randomize
