I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
