Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
