I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
