so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
