OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
