So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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