i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
