Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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