i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
