Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
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