so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
