He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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