At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
