I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
