I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
