oh god the rape fog is back!
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
