His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
