Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
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