And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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