Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
