Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
