Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
