you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Randomize
