Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
