I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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