definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
