We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
