We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
